I almost did it!! I thought I almost did it!! I almost went to sleep and woke up out of this BAD SITUATION. I had plans to just chalk it all up and just call it a BAD DREAM. I felt like it was so close. For a moment there, maybe I thought I could change my reality into a dream. A dream would be cool because no matter how bad the situation and the scenery really was in the dream, all I would have to do is just wake up. In dreams that I have had in the past, the stuff seems so real. I have actually come out of the dream breathing heavy and afraid. Tonight, REALITY has hit home. Who woke me? Was it the continual beeping and squeaking of the IV machine, the consistent thirty minute visits by the nurse, or my twisting and turning on the little couch? Either way, I woke up too soon and too fast.
The room is dark other than the glow of these blinking lights, glowing monitors, hanging bags, winding tubes, and of course my baby boy. I can’t see his face but I can see the silhouette of his body covered in the white blankets. He seems to be resting well and I’m glad about that. What pains me is the frustration that I cannot change his situation. I don’t even know how we got chosen for this assignment?
Was it because I woke up too fast or sat up too fast? I’m not sure, but for a second I thought this was just a dream. Maybe what startled me and almost threw me into a panic attack was the fact that we are in too deep to turn around now. You ever been in a situation where you were tempted to just turn around and back your way of the situation? This is how I felt until I remembered that we have been doing this for almost two years. As I take a deep breath, I say to myself, “The answer for us is to just keep going.” The answer to this storm is just to keep it moving. I want to thank the person who coined that phrase “keep it moving,” because it just ministered to me. Here is the message for me tonight, when you wake up from what you hoped was a dream but it really is your reality, “KEEP IT MOVING AND GO BACK TO SLEEP!!”
I love writing because it helps me to escape and communicate with you who read and I thank you. In my lowest days, I listen to my kid. I assume he is on really good speaking terms with God because, he tells me that in addition to everyone else praying for him, he shares the intimate details about his situation with only a GOD who can resolve his situation. Angelo says, “Don’t trip, you will get through it.” I’m rolling with that plus the “keep it moving” idea. I’m going to bed, talk with you later.
In closing, KEEP IT MOVING AND GO BACK TO SLEEP!!