This is a co-blog by two remarkable writers who love to give their straightforward opinions on subjects that hit a vein. Hitting the anniversary of the first blog they did together, “The Trade”, they felt it was about that time again to take their stance on the holiday approaching, V-Day.The question of the “gift” to give was seen in two different lights. While we laughed, debated, agreed and disagreed, we wanted to share this conversation with you all in the best way we know how, writing.We hope you enjoy, share your thoughts, subscribe to our blogs, like and share with your friends (yeah, we have a laundry list!) But in all seriousness, we hope it expands your mind and warms your heart this holiday weekend.
From one friend to another,
Richard Wilford & Crystal Lynn
Is it REALLY the thought that counts? It all depends on who you are talking to. Men see it one way and women, at times, see it another. Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and for some this issue might need discussion or resolution sooner rather than later. What does this mean, you ask? I’m glad you asked.
I would like to offer my humble observation not in defense of either gender, but just to shed some light. It does seem odd that men are expected to shell out far more in purchasing gifts than women ever do on this day. Valentine’s Day should be a shared expression of love between two people. It can sometimes seem very one sided in the responsibility. The dynamics of this issue always seems to evolve around a gift, a gift giver, and the recipient. There is the thought and selection, the cost, the intent and the expectation, plus the appreciation and satisfaction of the gift. Lastly, there is the assumption of being rewarded for the gift. Maybe I should take a moment to briefly define each of these terms. Before the Valentine’s gift ever makes it to the register, for check out, there seems to be a process in action. The purchaser must put some thought into what is being purchased and for whom. How much is going to be spent must be balanced against the level of the relationship and the message that is desired to be sent. Will the person be happy and satisfied are real questions to be answered before the card gets swiped.
In short, Valentine’s Day comes with the EXPECTATION, SELECTION, COST, PURPOSE, INTENT, APPRECIATION, SATISFACTION AND REWARD. For men, the process of gift shopping, selection, thought and analysis is not a happy place for us. That’s why right or wrong, we sometimes settle with, “It’s the thought that counts.”
“The thought that counts,” is the unspoken hope of the gift giver. It is the desire that the recipient appreciates the sacrifice, energy, and effort placed into buying a gift.
When a man presents a gift to a woman, what is going through his mind? It’s the thought in the “thought that counts”. When chatting with the other side on what a Valentine’s Day gift should entail, of course his first remark was, “Isn’t it the thought that counts?” and as a woman, I expect a little more.
We don’t have to be materialist or gold-diggers, but for the gift to count, to be appreciated the way a man expects us to get excited and girly… there are more factors in the equation than the thought. But we can start there; so, say it’s in the “thought,” who exactly are you thinking of when you are making your gift selection? We are not your momma, your auntie, or your ex, so basing it off of what they may like and enjoy is not getting you brownie points on our end. A man needs to be thinking of the unique, beautiful, custom woman he’s buying for. We’re not as difficult as men make it seem, we’re compassionate, emotional, needing love creatures. And the way a man can display that love is by knowing her. What do I like? What do I get for myself regularly? What are ways I treat myself? It’s there that the thought of a gift would go a lot further than the first thing you see in the isle.
Some women aren’t into roses or candy, so why be traditional with the one opportunity to give your token of appreciation that only comes around once a year? You want to complain about the cost? How much is bubble bath ($2), rose petals (can by in the bag from the florist for under $10), candles ($1), music (free on Pandora), oil ($1) and a full body massage (free labor)— You can have her truly feel loved and appreciated. And if you’re not into that, go buy a spa package for her to go pamper herself! Send her off for a girl’s getaway weekend. Here’s a good surprise, do it outside of Valentine’s Day!
Now I can’t speak for all women, but from my point of view, it is the everyday thought that counts. It’s about not becoming complacent in the way you show love. Just because you have her, been living together or married for umpteen years, doesn’t mean we don’t need to be appreciated regularly.
You could argue that there are women who receive good treatment and don’t know how to appreciate it. As the other side put it, “they screwed it up for the next woman” but we are equally to blame for the successes and disappoints we give and receive. If you encounter a user more than once, maybe you should stop dating those hoes. Find one that shows appreciation for her own life, who values what she has without you being there, who gives to others without expecting things in return. They are those “intimidating”, educated, single ones that men have neglected when she’s been sitting perfecting her situation to be able to take care of her King (the day he gets his life together.)
Men, think about the woman that’s out there for you. The perfect match and all you can give her. If you’re thinking of ways to sweep her off her feet now, when you get her, she’ll be there to stay (always).
Be thoughtful in your gifts this Valentine’s Day!