A Different Kind of Darkness!!
This may seem weird but I am sitting here in the dark. I can hear my mother’s voice saying, “Can you see? Turn the light on, I don’t see how anyone can do anything in the dark.” Dear Mom, In silent rebellion I sit here in the dark. It’s strange that no matter how old you get, you are never too old too feel like your mother can’t just show up and wack you one good time. Here I sit in the dark now looking over my shoulder. Silent rebellion? she would say. It wouldn’t stay silent for long.
This may seem weird, but I am sitting in the dark but I am not sad, depressed, or weary. It’s 5:37am and I am in the dark smiling. If Jacob can have a web and Aesop a fable, then I can have and label my dark. Darkness, I normally explain as the heavy cloud or weight that immobilizes me because of the weight of my heart ache and pain. I usually am forced to describe the darkness that looms over and around me as heavy, restrictive, and depressing because that is exactly how it feels. Today, I have the distinct pleasure of painting darkness with a different brush and hue. Black is usually the color always associated with darkness but “you gone learn today!!”
This may seem weird, but I am sitting in the dark. The darkness is different though. Normally it’s dank and with an eerie depth but today its lite with light and laughter. Every now and then, I feel like life is getting better and I am healing from past hurts and pain, because I start seeing things differently. It’s sunshine in darkness. Today, it’s smiles instead of tears and frowns. This is usually the place where we hate to be, have no clue how we got here, and desperately search for the exit.
Today, I welcome the darkness. Like Eddie Murphy in a bad bedroom scenario with a dancing older lady, he asked if she could make the room any darker. I say to darkness this morning, “Can you get it any darker in here? That which I use to fear, I welcome. With a smile on my face, I want the darkness because it’s makes for a perfect canvas to hang my art.
I need more room on these dark walls to hang my thoughts of why I am so grateful. It’s the darkness that make my thoughts even brighter. I am thinking of all of the great things that have happened in my life and all the great people that have come along with it. On a black canvas, I can hang names, memories, and experiences that have made my life so sweet. I love the darkness because it blocks out the expectations of what the new day requires and offers. It freezes time and allows me to take a solitary walk down the sidewalk of my mind and enjoy how good God has really been good to me. I am not interested in quickly throwing back the blinds and welcoming the world today. In this moment, I think I will savor the darkness like that last delicious bite of a great steak. I think I will just smile and chill in the safe confines of my dark room celebrating life at its best for me.
This may seem weird but I am sitting in the dark smiling. You ever just sat in the dark and smiled?