Checking Out and Checking Back In!!

Checking Out and Checking Back In!!

I took a moment and went back and reflected on my last year of living. The year 2017 was a good year for me. I actually was amazed at all that transpired throughout the year. The majority of the things accomplished were unplanned and surprising to even myself. I jumped out a plane at 15,00 ft and took a parachute down. I wrote and published four books and started a publishing company. I helped write and produced my own music project. I trained and completed a 10k and 5k Run with my daughter. I had a chance to guest appear weekly and monthly on three different radio shows to offer encouragement and motivation for those interested in tuning in. I have traveled often and stepped consistently out of my comfort zone. It really has been a good year. I often say, “After my son died, what could have been my worst year, has become my best year so far.” I truly believe it has been because I chose not to become bitter. I have chosen to keep my eyes on God and look and listen for “HIS PLAN of BETTER” for me.

I dare not share the great things concerning this year without including the tough times. This year has not been without heartache, tears, and moments of obvious depression. There was a day when my religion would never allow me to even utter the D word, but reality seems to deal you cards that supersede the tenants of what I thought I believed. Life takes you down a road that causes you to develop your own vocabulary because dictionary words don’t seems to effectively define the pain experienced. When I looked at my living quarters and could clearly see everything that needed to be done but I could not muster up the energy or resolve to get up and fix it, I call that Depression.

My tough crisis felt more like time travel. I didn’t miss anything, but most of the ride I have been numb. I wanted to title this blog, “Checked Out,” because as I look back, it is actually what I have done.

It reminds me of the time Angelo my son, talked me into getting a very large tattoo. At some point during the torture from a man wielding a ink gun with needle, “I checked out.” Now I have to make clear, this wasn’t a cowardly check out, but the intense pain actually caused me to go some where else. Get it? My body and mind could not reconcile the pain, the outcome, and the method used, so my

mind decided we needed to go else where until all of this was over. I was there physically but mentally I checked out!!

Somewhere in the history books of human behavior, I am sure this phenomenon has been recorded. I just never had the luxury of doing the research prior to my dilemma. Even with the information, I am sure that the outcome would not have been any different. Pain is pain!!

What I want to get to you is, I “checked out” on life. Check out? When and where you ask? Well, let me tell you. The first place I checked out was from anything or anyone that represented any more pain and discomfort. I had no fight or argument in me. Luckily, Skye didn’t ask for a Bentley and a nose ring at the age of eleven. I could no longer fuss with folks who didn’t want to do right. If you came to church, you came and if you didn’t, oh well. If you all are ok with the ship crashing, then a wreck we will be. I was numb. I’ll talk about it a little later.

One of the issues that the help books present as a problem is when people with crisis isolate from others. The healing books of man disagree but I say, YES ISOLATE, even if it’s for a moment!! If you are going in the wrong direction, you don’t keep going or speed up, you STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! Regroup and then proceed. Isolate from ignorance for sure.

Here’s the question, “ If you checked out, then how were you able to accomplish so much?” I have an answer. Let my explain it this way. No CHECK OUT of the wrong places means NO CHECK IN to the right places!!

The second thing checking out could mean is this. When you “check out,”or at least with me, “Checking Out” meant re-evaluating everything and everybody in my life and it’s true purpose. Real crisis has a way of casting a light of transparency on everyone around you.

Thirdly, Checking out meant figuring out who I was again or actually for possibly for the first real time. I know generally we “very loosely” call people crazy who take off never to been seen again. We find out that they now live in a shack in the remote part of Montana, but everybody shack living ain’t crazy. Sometimes seeing the fake superficial life that one lives in and around, could be enough to drive them to the wilderness.

I heard a lady on television living in a remote part of Alaska say, “At least with the bears and wolves around here hate me and want to eat me and I know it. We don’t play like we are friends but people do.” Our desire should be to live genuine lives. So people make this difficult.

I guess this is my apology to those who experienced me “Checking out.” I checked out not from people but from drama, ignorance, and unproductive processes. I checked out from fake and funny folks with lame hidden agendas. The more I think about it, all of us check out from things and people from time to time. The good part about this whole thing is, if there is no checking out, there can be no checking in elsewhere.

In checking out of other places, I was able to check in internally to productive places, people, and processes. Now I must admit, some people get angry when you check out on them and go elsewhere but salvage what you can and leave the rest behind you.

Initially, I wanted to be a more in-depth with the areas that I checked out but I hope you get the idea. This is not a tell all blog. I’m just telling on me.

I just thought of something. Checking out also means not caring anymore about outcomes. This is dangerous and was for me. Death of a loved one gives you a real reason to die, but it’s then that you must find a real reason to live. I must admit my daughters and my memory of my son were my reason to live. In these moments, I offer and recommend Jesus.

1. He is a keeper even when you don’t want to be kept.

2. God held me while I was numb until the feeling came back into my heart.

3. He kept me on LIFE SUPPORT until my existing turned back into living again.

I hope I didn’t end this on a bad note.

Checking out of the Motel of Mediocrity is good if you are going to CHECK IN to God’s Greater!!


Add yours →

  1. You betta preach great man of GOD….🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃 Hallelujah

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great and inspiring word bro!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Explains a lot. May you find the peace you need as you continue to redefine the various aspects of what life , love and happiness means to you! Rooting for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Good word! Love the transparency.

    Liked by 1 person

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