Many people walk around ignoring you or acting as if you don’t exist. Many people run, dodge and hide from you. I decided to address you straight up. I really don’t like the idea of this. Who am I to argue? I just hate the feeling that it brings. Finality, the end, it’s over, is what gets me. I know you’re coming for me or searching through the bag in hopes of picking my number to pull. You seem excited to do it. You seem even happier to find mine. What the hell is that about. You always seem to give me indicators that you are close and closing in. I think it’s pretty stupid. Why stop someone trying to do good?
Maybe I’ve made you a person and given you a personality and attitude by mistake. Maybe you don’t even exist at all. You could be a figment of my imagination. I’m not sure but if you are a person, I want to talk to you.
Thank you, You motivate me. You keep me focused. As the pills in my pillbox increase, so does my determination to hurry and be about God’s business and my purpose.
Thank you Sir or ma’am, because even when I want to be lazy and lounge, you remind me that you are gaining on me. Every day God let’s me live, I owe it to Him to shine. That is what I plan to do.
As my aches and pains increase, I am aware that this body is not built for forever. My spirit is, but the car I ride in is not manufactured for the bumps and bruises of the long haul.
In my life time, I have purchased several cars for the same purpose, to get me from point A to point B. This body can only take me so far. While I’m in it, I will be working. I really wish I knew this early on. I would have made better use of this vehicle. Longer and harder, I would have pushed the limit of its capabilities. Now I’m at the point where I can’t push it up the hill and around the corners like I use to. What a shame. Wasted years you can’t get back.
I really don’t like the idea of black suits, caskets, people crying and grieving but so be it. That seems to be the crappy side. I just know along with it, somebody will say, “but the dude did some good!!”
I’m like the movie where the guy says, “What did you think Son? I’m just riding through life screaming Willy Nilly?” You think I’m just flying by the seat of my pants asking what’s the next stupid thing I can try? No Sir, I’m here breaking down some walls of fear, insecurity, generational curses, and self hate. My kids need me!!!!
They need me to run interference for them. I’m here to block the bull crap from getting to them so that they have a fair chance at dreaming while they are alive. Hey Death, “DEAD PEOPLE DON’T DREAM!!” I assume
they lay there with their eyes open forever without blinking. Who knows.
I don’t even know what my kids sees through their eyes. We try to shelter our kids from the hatred, inequality and outright racism that still exist. We tell them to get along with and befriend other races because we are all the same but we are not. In time, they will see. In addition to what they see, they will also see and remember their Daddy coming through. Like Martin said, “Stomping like a Big Dog!!” Trying the best he can to make SOMETHING out of NOTHING!! A dollar out of fifteen cents!!! How I ask you, can you do that?
I know the day will come and you will show up. I’ll let you in on a little secret. When I’m done working and I’ve at least paved a mental and physical path for those God has assigned to me, I’ll probably have the suitcase packed. You won’t need evil low life spirits to escort me out of this life. The same way I was brought in, blessed highly favored, I will walk out!! I feel like Will Smith’s son Jaden. You ever seen an Icon living?
Maybe I’ve seen too much television, but I’m going out in a blaze of fire!! The dance of George Jefferson, the coolness of The Fonz, the humor of Fred G. Sanford, the heart of James Evans, the faith of the folks on Gilligan’s Island, the humbled power of Neo, the flow of Rakim and KRS One, the adventure of my own Daddy, and the courage of my son, Angelo Wilford.
When I go, you won’t have to dig a hole because I won’t be there. Long before you show up, my reservation will kick in. The one I made with Heaven. I’m gonna Uber Up!! On the way up, I’ll lean over and whisper in His ear, “THANK YOU!! YOU’VE BEEN GOOD TO ME!!!”
Hey Death… keep your head up!! I am!!!