Grief: The Unseen Internal Scar

Every now and then, you run across a phrase, a sentence, or even one word that explains it. It happens when you go to the doctor and you explain your symptoms. You don’t know what it is but it has a history and name. You feel relieved that HE KNOWS and CARES!! Your feeler is numb and retracted. You’ve suffered internal trauma without external scars and with no scars, there is now the challenge of convincing others that something truly happened. How do I show you that my heart has been ripped out and life’s pleasures are bland? It takes a while to figure out for yourself that something is even wrong with you. Somehow you feel normal until you botch a step or totally miss an exit. Now you get scared and become unsure in areas that you normally navigated with the greatest of ease.
Not only do cars have car facts, but people have car facts that cannot be fudged or denied. Nobody asks to be in life’s car crashes. They just happen and then the friggin aftermath.

You’re not the same!! I can’t be!! I can’t be involved in meaningless, unproductive relationships. I am allergic to fake and funny people now. My life has to be lived on purpose because I have been as possibly close to death as a human can be. I’ve held the hand of a loved one as they crossed over!! Excuse me if I have a desire to fly. After you go to the airport often enough, you wonder what the damn other side looks like. When the good people on the other side begin to outnumber the folks on this side, you wonder right? There is no hurry to make reservations but when you look around and see people colder and less loving, it takes a toll.

The most critical are those who haven’t experienced it. They have never been in a car crash so they assume that they are excellent drivers and the rest of the world is a mess. He who talks the most, don’t really know much. Experience slows the rush to one’s desire to hurry to conclusions and observations. Funny how he who offers no mercy begs for the same mercy when the pendulum swings in their direction. Unlicensed physicians they appoint themselves to be. Be very careful…

Dogmatic is their observations and remedies. “Get over it and move on,” is the pill that they prescribe. Thank God for a real doctor that makes heart calls house calls. One day at a time and slow is the way. It just takes time. Ease my troubled heart Lord Jesus!! STAY IN HIS CARE!!!!! Rescue your people!! Give us the patience that we desire. I keep telling myself to just keep going!! #Resilience
All that I am and all that I am not, I’m yours Lord!!


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