How do relationships go from “the first time I saw you,” to “I wish I never met you.” From anticipation and excitement, to disgust and hatred?
From FIREWORKS to FIREARMS?
How do they decline from “the funny feeling in my heart,” to “the sharp pain in my rear end?” How do my eyes go from seeing “Beyonce in the beginning to now only seeing Ester?”
They ALL start off GREAT!!
It happens so often, that our response to the ecstatic explorer, who has climbed the mountain of love and struck gold, is still the same. “Mister, they ALL start off great.”
Why can’t they continue with the same razzmatazz that they start with? We all seemed to be tainted by the consistent rise and fall of relationships. It’s as if we can never be too excited about a fresh new relationship, no matter how good it feels. Instead, we tell ourselves to proceed with caution because there is a sharp DECLINE in the road ahead.
I met someone the other day and I had that, “too good to be true” feeling. I experienced all the symptoms, the eyes, the breathing, the stomach butterflies, the whole nine. I couldn’t believe it was happening to me, Mr. Ebenezer Scrooge. I quickly doused my flickering flame of passion with the water hose of REALITY. I said to myself, “Bro, they all start this way.”
Why do relationships go from HOT to COLD? I rustled around the barn of love and gathered a few observations that I would like to share them with you.
1. The first reason I think relationships fizzle is because WE MEET IMPERFECT PEOPLE WHO SEEM and PERFORM PERFECT IN THE BEGINNING. No flaws, no visible mistakes, we ONLY SEE the good. Someone stated that LOVE was blind. I think we willing place the blinds over our own eyes to block out what might potentially be a problem in the future. We only want to dance, rather it’s with a human, horse, or a llama. You may be blind in love but you not crazy. You know you smell a horse and llama fur is not what you should be feeling, we just overlook these things. If you listen closely, you will hear us humming Christopher Williams song, “Don’t wake me, I’m dreaming.”
2. The second reason I think relationships crash is because our new found flame does a great job of masking their “not so great” other side. Performing can become tedious and strenuous. After a while, we no longer want to purposefully keep our proclivities a secret. We begin to let more and more of who we are come out. This can be a real problem, especially if who you REALLY are is VASTLY different from who you have been in performance.
The clean cut, neat, on time, considerate, door opening, caring person may be difficult to pull off, especially if you are none of these. The sweet, soft spoken, cook everyday, stay at home, shy girl, may be hard to maintain. Especially, if you are a no cooking, cursing, loud party girl.
We have been taught by our parents to always be on your best behavior. I don’t believe BEST BEHAVIOR AND BEST PERFORMANCE are the same things. Best behavior might be the best YOU. Best performance might be your best impression of someone else.
It’s a dance between lover #1, who intentionally places love BLINDS over THIER own eyes and lover #2, who is hiding all that is wrong but revealing it in slow increments. It’s the equivalent of shopping in your closet for something nice for you to wear while blindfolded and actually standing in the house next door.
How can we avoid this? I think we can help people be transparent by being the same ourselves. We actually pressure people into lying to us, but get mad when they do. We bark out all of our expectations rather we live up to the same standard or not. If I like you, I will try to meet the expectation set.
I HATE SMOKE is a clear expectation presented prior to the other person’s disclosure that they indulge from time to time. If I think that this is a deal breaker, I may wait to let this truth out.
“ASK DON’T TELL,” is my rule and recommendation. In the form of a question ask, “Do you smoke?” This gives the person a chance to honestly share without fear of losing a once in a lifetime chance with you. If you firmly say, ” I hate smoking,” then I won’t for a couple of weeks. Notice I didn’t say they will quit. THEY WILL NOT QUIT. They will just postpone their enjoyment of said pleasure to a later time.
Communicate in a way that WELCOMES the truth, no matter how bad it may be. Remember you have some things you enjoy too.
Since I am not the Love Doctor, you are most welcome to trash this blog and develop one that makes more sense. I just ask that you post it so we can get some help out here in Single Land.
Last but not least, ALL relationships don’t start great and end bad. Someone told me, If you are honest and transparent, there will
never be an end. The start will be great and the middle will be the BOMB forever.