It’s 3:28am and some how I just woke up out of a dead sleep. I did like most fifty year old men who wake up at 3am, I went to the little boys room and walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and drank some water. I was stiff, sore, and experiencing some pain. Unknown pain at this stage of the game is not startling to us. Things break down without warning, so days without pain are labeled good in our eyes.
On tonight, the pain on my side was more than than just the average pain. I’ve had real pain before far more worthy of concern than this day. What made this day and pain any different? I know exactly what it was.
On my way to the refrigerator, as I reached in for a bottle of water, this thought crossed my mind, “God never keeps is here beyond our days of usefulness.” Oh boy, now I’m nervous. On last night, my publisher sent me a picture of the hard copy of the book that I have written. I cannot explain to you the joy I felt in just seeing a picture of the actual book completed. It was one of the “too good to be true” moments of life. This being one of those great emotional moments of great joy and celebration, I acted accordingly. I self sabotaged it. I thought to myself, what if this is the reason why God has kept me alive this long?
Then I said to myself, this would be a great book or movie. I envisioned the title, “UNSERVICEABLE” in bold capital letters, and typed in a box were small letters that read, God never lets us stay beyond our serviceability. Kinda scary huh?
The older I get, the more I understand me and my thought process. These thoughts are a compilation of actual events, movies, and a late night dance with jumbo shrimp just before bed. Even still, This train of thought was note worthy, so I raced for the pen and pad to record my thoughts before they disappeared in the night and I fell back to sleep.
The title, I thought was pretty cool but the descriptive way I could clearly see the title and subtitle caused me some concern. Instead of a book or a movie idea, maybe this is a message from God to me that my time was up? (I don’t need this at four in the morning man!!) Who does this to themselves this early in the morning? The thought comes, The book is written. We are a few days from publishing and my departure felt close. No more shrimp is what I’m thinking but it’s bigger than that.
My mind switched back to story line for the movie. In the movie, people began dropping dead and we didn’t know why. After doing autopsies of the dead, the world concluded that the large amounts of unexplained deaths were not because of an outbreak of some incurable disease, but it was directly linked to people being “unserviceable.” The day that a person no longer served any useful purpose here on earth, they died. To stay alive, every single day, everybody on earth woke up looking for some purpose and or good deed to do to survive. The day you did nothing or served any purpose, your life ended.
Here I lay at 4am, with either a book idea, movie idea, or a personal message or warning from God that check out time is near. I thought I’d better write this one out and blog it. I would hate to keep this much goodness to myself. Why eat this entire cake of fear and warning all by myself. I thought of you. I’m sure you could use a bit of thought provoking information as well.
Why should I selfishly ponder what God is up to, all by myself? Herein lies the question, was it just a dream, a warning, an unwarranted attempt to self sabotage of my future success, or is it just a good blog? Is this just for me or for us? The tough part about it is the danger in underestimating it. I don’t know?
In response to it, I have done a few things:
Firstly, I have a recorded the thought here in writing.
Secondly, I have lovingly passed it on to you, and I do me lovingly. You are so welcome.
Thirdly, at four in the morning, I am seriously thinking about how can I remain serviceable for the rest of my life?
I have successfully scared myself to either greater productivity or righteousness. I’m going back to sleep. I am posting this as soon as I edit it. I really want you to wake up to something good in the morning.