In Search of a Love Potion

In Search of A Love Potion

I’m gonna give it to you just how I got it. I was concerned because I hadn’t written in a minute. No flashing thoughts of wonder or interest. Nothing to push me enough to make me do the pen and paper dance until this thought, A love potion. Whoa!! First of all, the word “Potion” got me going. I’m just a word nerd like that I guess. Some things move me differently than others, but to say Love and potion together? Now you have me going.

Now I’m thinking, real or fake, myth or old wives tale? Possible or not? Is this a witch’s brew or a compilation of funky flowers and virgin bluebird dust? I’m saying to myself, “How deep does the rabbit hole go at 3:30am?” I am a Christian and I’m scary plus I have no business in some places. I like a good story but I am not about to be lead by curiosity down a back alley into a dark, dank, doorway with the funky psychedelic curtain with cheap bells on the bottom, only to find some old rejected and retired school matron hovering over a black kettle stirring with a big wooden spoon. Curiosity killed the cat and this chick’s name just might be close. I bet here name is Clarnell or something similar, plus she might have the cat in that pot.

Hey!! Stay focused!! We are in here for one thing, Love potion. I’m gonna tell you like my Momma told us, “Don’t be in here touching on nothing or sniffing nothing. If you break it you buy it and I don’t have no money to fix no dragon’s wing that just mysteriously broke off when you touched it. If you come out of here and wake up with a boar’s beard and a jackal’s hind leg growing in the morning, you are getting out of my house.”

Are you saying to yourself, Wow, that was a lot? Me too. I’m not sure if I’m the writer, the reader, or the one that just pushed back the funky curtain with the wild lady. Let’s go in!! “Yo Yo,” I shout. It’s freaking me out to be here and a good ole’ “Hoody Hoo” is so beyond the new polished me!! I really just want to ask is anybody working in here? Here he comes!! Lerch from the Adam’s family. Hey man, do y’all sell or make love potions? I’m thinking, maybe one of y’all should stand by the curtain just in case it get hairy in here. I’m just saying. People have some freaky stuff going on and I’m like Rick Ross said, “I ain’t into what they into!!” At least one of us can go run for help while the rest of us be turned into toads or something.

The first out of shape, stinky gypsy lady with the lazy eye that blows a hand full of dust and old corn flakes in my face, is getting the business and then we running. For real, I’m gonna need you to man that curtain and drag me out of here if it goes left. (If you think I’m crazy for writing this, guess who even crazier for still reading?) Stick to the script baby!! We are on a mission for what? Say it with me, “A Love potion!!”

Now I’m asking questions. Who would want a Love potion? Who feels like they need one? Is this the ugly peoples’ go to? If you can’t get ‘em, juice ‘em? What is actually fact and what is crazy, movie stuff? Would I even buy it if they sold it? Hell, how long does it last? You know we under Covid and I don’t think stinky lady with the spoon is set up for online shopping. I can’t keep coming back here. What if I get a bottle and the wrong babe sniff it? What if the bottle breaks? Is there a money back guarantee? Who do I need to see if we have side effects? How into me is this chick gonna me? I been single for a minute and a brother need his space. Here you go over sniffing, now I’m hiding in Walmart for some me time. I’m gonna run this by Walgreens so the pharmacist can run down what the deal is. I’m fifty-three, not twenty three!! It don’t take all that no more. Wait, do you have a potion for good cooking, no arguing, no bed cover stealing, and don’t take over the bathroom sink with those curling irons? I’ll take a case of that Bro!!

I start asking intelligent questions like, “What would a love potion consist of?”
This is when I ran into a cool answer that once again moved to me thinking. I read where it said, “A Love potion is a multi-faceted scent that varies based on what a person likes.” It only works on that person and it consist of what they like. Now see, you are starting to think like me. Instead of collard green juice, Dorito crumbs, and a swig of Corona, maybe you can just spend the time figuring out what a person likes and do that?

How do I make a person fall in love with me? Love potion or Me-lotion? Too much Me-lotion and your legs are white but not enough and you still ashy. Work it out Wil!!

Somewhere I read that a powerful potion of infatuation can be induced by the skillful Potioneer, but never yet has anyone managed to create the truly unbreakable, eternal, unconditional attachment that alone can be called LOVE.

You can lay on all the Hugo you want. You can spend 300 dollars for a bottle of that real good stuff from Nordstroms but when you get through, if they ain’t into you, they just ain’t. Dang, They smell good but they ain’t for me.

It’s like kids making slime, they figured it out and started making their own. Here’s a tip from PotioneerWil, Make your own Me-lotion or Me-mist!! Well, I don’t like the word Me-mist because it’s too close to pee mist and Kelly is already jammed up for that. Let’s go with The Scent of Authentic Me!!

When you where Authentic Me, only a dab will do. Enough to let them know you are here and memorable to miss you when you are gone. Captivating enough but not offensive. Subtle but not forced. Let your fragrance be steeped with the genuine, sincere, loving you. Your personality, your smile and your style. Add your joy, your peace, and your purpose. What kind of bottle? YOU BE THE BOTTLE!! YOU BE THE BOTTLE!! Say it with me, “I AM THE BOTTLE!!” (This quarantine has added 10 pounds to the bottle but you can bounce back.)

I AM THE BOTTLE!! When you uncap this sucker, please believe everybody won’t like it and that’s cool. You only want that white smoke to go up one person’s nose. Wait, that sounds cheesy. Let me try it again. That sound like some New Jack City crack.
Second pass: You only want that special fragrance to permeate and arouse the interest love glands of that one special person. I likey…

I know this is true because some attitudes I smell out here ain’t for me. Your “walk by” wind is a Mofo? You can’t say Mofo Wil. You are right. Let’s just say, it’s for somebody but it ain’t me.

In closing,
I have done the work for you. You don’t have to go searching for no 2020 Spanish fly type potion at Target or the white dispenser in the bathroom of the doggone truck stop. It ain’t there man. How do I know? I looked so you wouldn’t have to. The Bible declares that you are fearfully and wonderfully made!! If that ain’t enough to knock ‘em dead, I don’t know what will? Unless you plan on going back to Dinosaur days of clubbing your man and dragging him to the crib? I think not.

I love you so Spray-’em with that good stuff!!


Add yours →

  1. theycalledherjonesy June 7, 2020 — 5:39 pm

    Do you remember the old movie Love Potion #9? At one point there was a mob of men running after this woman because they had smelled that potion. It was a wrap! If you can’t get em, juice em. Lol This made me laugh, great stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Jacqueline Walton August 2, 2020 — 9:15 pm

    Another great read my friend!!! You kept the reader thinking and wondering what your next words would be.

    Liked by 1 person

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