I Can See Clearly Now…
It’s 4:08am, I see three lights. It’s dark in here. The only light I see is from the smoke alarm, my cellphone, and from the light peeking through the window blinds. I feel like I’m racing to write before the suns comes up. I truly feel like I have gotten away with something and beat the world at its game if I workout or write before the world wakes up. I love this moment. I know it’s early but I’ve already listened to a Dame Dash and Letoya Luckett interview, plus a clip from T.D. Jakes, about their success and struggles. Jakes just so happen to be talking about self discovery. When the clock hits 4:08am, I text comes through on Instagram. The words of the text say, “ I thank God for your transparency.” I text back without hesitation, “It’s all I got.”
The text read, “The truth you hold can save someone’s life.” I’m thinking, It’s all I want to do. It was such an on time and in time message for me because I go through changes. Some days I feel like I’m focused and firing on all cylinders and other days I feel like I’m lost without direction. I have incredible highs and terrible lows and I’m not sure if this happens with everyone. One day I can feel like I am passionately flowing in my purpose and feel utterly defeated. I haven’t polled folks around me but I’m sure I’m not by myself. I ain’t polling because it won’t change my challenge anyway. I have to figure it out and master it myself. I have become my own friend. As a friend, I talk myself into going in to talk to the real counselor, God. I dare not counsel myself.
I have redshifted my position in the bed and I glance back at the window to see how much darkness I have left, the light is gaining on me. Am I a vampire? I would hope not but I move mentally better through the darkness. It’s my nocturnal mojo!! I think it has to do with the absence of noise and activity around me. It’s in the stillness of the early morning that calls me to peace.
I’ve been busy lately traveling and in the company of others. It’s always a good time but we must maintain that quiet time alone. I don’t want to be with anyone 24-7 but God and HE ain’t talking the whole time either. As a matter of fact, God’s time involves absolute silence so you can hear.
This weekend I’m trying to reset. Covid, work craziness, the season and time change, has changed me and I’m off. I feel off. It’s crazy because it seems like as soon as you get a nice routine and flow going, that something surfaces to attempt to switch it up. I’m learning to flow with it.
I haven’t been writing lately. I’ve been doing more living. I’m hoping it translates later based upon what my eyes have seen and my ears have heard. It’s why I encourage folks to go see God’s creation. When your mind is stretched, you have more colors to work with when you draw. If your experience is one dimensional, you only have one crayon in your box. You see but it doesn’t translate because you only have one color. Go get more colors, more shapes, more sizes, more languages, more appreciation.
Transparency involves vulnerability and dismisses secrecy. WIt’s clear, it’s refreshing,and peaceful. It requires no follow up questions or retakes. It’s in real time. It is what it is and somehow it helps others. Truth begets truth. It welcomes and encourages truth. Transparency is clear and concise. It requires no explanation. It’s understood. It helps people embrace their own truth. It dismisses the fear of being found out and destroys the ridiculous attempt to blackmail and control. You don’t have to tell it, I’ll tell it myself.
At times, I think it’s rare and lonely being transparent because it demands that if others are to be in tow, they must also be. People don’t wake up and simply want to be transparent. It takes time to unfold and peel back layers to get to it but when it’s present, it’s sweet.
For some reason, people will not initially shoot straight with you. Even when you lead with transparency, they think it to be a curve ball thrown with an ulterior motive attached. It’s not so much then as it is the world that we live in. Maybe I took to long to do it, but I really just wanted to say, “Be Transparent.” When you approach with your arms down, it makes it comfortable for others to lower theirs. If by chance they refuse to lower their arms, then still you’ve remained refreshing and truthful. The conversation looks more like a robbery than an exchange. It’s 5:08 and I am glad we have shared a moment in darkness together.
I have plans to walk the beach, breakfast and read a book. Enjoy your day!!
I love you more