Just remember you made me this way. At that moment, a cold winter breeze blew in and over her heart. A heart that was once gold is now cold. It didn’t happen all at once. It turned cold. Which means there was chance long before she arrived at the point of no return. She warned you. They all do. Most times, when people get close to their braking point, they out of fear announce their departure and even show outward signs of blurry rationalization and loss of restraint. After this the storm. I asked you. I asked you not to but you insisted on disturbing the nest of the hornet. You can hear the wind whistle as the temperature drops and feeling all but dissipates from the central source of Love. No pulse to be found and worse no hope of resuscitation. Remember we put a DNR on this bond as a result of your past broken promises and antics. I vowed to let this thing expire if it ever comes to this again.
I’m tired. Being the murder victim and paramedic to administer CPR to myself behind a cold black ER curtain of pain and shame with your name nowhere present on the visitor’s list. Why would I think you would sign in? You signed out long time ago. The sad part about the heart is, it will hope unto the end for change even for the hands responsible for its own demise.
An empty chair is my only company as I lie stiff across this evil gurney battered and bruised on the inside of my heart. The staff assumes my mumbling is delusional and a symptom of my fast approaching fate but I’m talking to the chair as if you are here. Well then, I guess I am truly delusional. Wtf was I thinking. At least this way, I won’t have to pretend and play your part as a good guy anymore. I won’t have to cover for you and lie to those who love me about your actions and lack thereof. I didn’t ask to be here.
No next of kin, it was only us and you didn’t even think enough of me to come identify the remains. They buried me Jane Doe as if I don’t have a name!! Cause of Death? A heart that went from gold to cold. A heart that was once rich, gold, full, flourishing and flowing to frozen, eternally damaged, unresponsive and cold. I’m not sure if it’s the cold sheet pulled over your head that makes it a bitter burial, the frozen blood that has crystallized within your heart, or the fact that you cross over alone.
Jane Doe? Rightfully so because the person I was left long time ago. Numb and uncaring I pretended to be to survive, until I played the part too long and forgot the directions back to who I use to be. I accept my fate as one who played a part in my own death, I shoulda left, long time ago. A heart that went from Gold to Cold.
Don’t pour your love into a cracked vessel. You will spend the rest of your life helplessly pouring as your love leaks out through the cracks and onto the floor, wasted wine. There was nothing wrong with the wine, it was the cracked vessel that couldn’t keep it.