All of a sudden a him or her becomes a couple, several people, a group, a gang, a mob, or an angry race of people all plotting to get me. Why so many? I must be the only one left. All of a sudden, a pronoun becomes a person or a thing with human hands and feet, emotions, goals and evil intent. All of which to harm, destroy or is this my Paranoid paranoia?
What is this? Where did it come from? I’ve not always been this way or felt this way. I see life the way it is now. I see it in black and white. It’s my Paranoid paranoia.
Now I’m looking over my shoulder, behind me and for sure, in front of me. At stop lights, stop signs, in restaurant bathroom stalls and even my back seat. You can never be too careful. Thoroughly and with great intent, now I’m listening to what everybody around me is saying. Every word of it. I’m taking painstaking mental notes. I’ve purchased and made a small recorder as a part of my arsenal. Rather to me, about me or something that supposedly has nothing to do with me, I’m checking it out. I’m listening with open ears and with great focus, in hopes of foiling a plan for my demise. Don’t ever think I’m not listening. My ears are tuned to the frequency of my Paranoid paranoia.
Even playing is not playing anymore. Every joke and light pun is really an undercover coded conversation carried on by those closest to me and are aware of my whereabouts. They use clicks and inflections in their voice to attempt to throw me. The old bait and switch game huh? I’m two steps ahead of you chumps. It’s clear, I am dealing with paranoid paranoia.
Why must I feel like that? And what about a cat? Paranoid paranoia suggest that the cat is chasing me. My pet has become an enemy trained predator. A hairy life like drone. My eyes and ears are now tuned to the cat’s stealthy movements. You don’t think I see the bird on the window sill? You can never be too careful. Those eyes may very well be cameras. What’s the purr for? It must be a cover for some electronic sound attempting to crack the code on my safe.
Now my shadow has become an accomplice. It moves in silence as if I don’t see it. I see you. You move when I move but you stop, stand still and hold your position just as long as I do. My shadows are always dressed in black as if it’s the only color sold. It’s a dead giveaway. My after thoughts and imagination expose planned attack. Just by jumping up and turning the light switch on , you all ran and hid. My paranoid paranoid is working in my favor. You have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull the wool over my eyes.
Dear Doctor, it’s getter worse. I don’t even trust my own voice. Why not? Who said it’s my voice. I notice it doesn’t sound the same when I hear it recorded and played back. It may very well be thoughts interjected through and with the aid of some subliminal system whispering in my ear while I sleep. It’s why I sleep with one eye open and cotton in the other ear. I could be getting played like a puppet.
I actually stopped talking to myself because the trust is just no longer there anymore. Is it me or is it my paranoid paranoia? Why is my shirt on the floor? Why is the soap flipped over? My shoes were not there before I left!!
Wait, who are you? Oh, you are reading huh? Yea right!! I’m watching you too. Why would you be reading this? Why is your face so close to the screen? Are you with them? Are you friend or foe? I guess it just me and my Paranoid Paranoia.
I love you but send Help