I don’t know whose turn it is and we surely don’t have someone manning the Twister spinner. We just go for it and in some subtle way, it starts out as a selfish jockey for the warmest and best position but it looks more like a Indian rain dance without the garb, the drums, and the rain. It hasn’t been named as far as I know, so I’ll label it, “The Africa Jenga Twister Sheet Dance.” Since people won’t use its full clinical name, lets give it an acronym, a street name like a drug, or a layman term name. How about TAJTSD? Forget it. Let’s not. All I can do is tell you about it, you name it.
It’s what happens when two people who love each other climb into a bed and share a common space between the comforter, fluffy pillows, and the sheet set. The battle ground is the length and width of the size of the bed and no area is off limits. Both generally enter and claim ownership of side of the bed in the outset but it never ends that way. It’s like the MMA octagon of Love. Three rounds of submission fighting for the superior position and I don’t plan on taping out. Three rounds? Really? Some take a dive early. What makes this dangerous is there is no referee available and it’s hard to tell what is fight and what is willful surrender. Slay me, I came to die!! Funny how the fighter ref always says, “protect yourself at all times and come out fighting,” but in the terror dome of Heat, I’m purposely exposing my pressure points!! (I am so weird. Who thinks like this?)
It’s the Rain dance between the fitted sheets of Passion!! You notice how one makes a move to place cold feet on your leg and your move is jockeying for the warmest spot in the ring by using the opponent as a human heating station? In Twister, it’s left arm green, right foot blue, but there is no spinner and no turns. All the spots are mental and it’s dark in here . It’s every man for themselves and the person who loses will be butt out in the cold air with no cover to mend their wounds. It’s imperative that you be able to think not on your feet but on your back. She make a move that gives the impression that she simply desires a basic hug but be careful. The cold foot on your shin is more like a taser that immobilizes you and renders you helpless for at least twenty seconds, while they shift to the better position. Be careful.
The enticing “Let’s Spoon Move,” is an all time favorite to get you hypnotized by the neck fragrance and it takes over all rationale. The back up move to slide into the “innocent Spooning position,” advances their strategy to push you to the edge of the bed and you didn’t even know it. One false move and you can spend the night in the “Valley of the Cold Carpet of No Return.”
What she doesn’t know is, what looks like an agreed acceptance of the spooning move is really a sneak attack to put her in a Half Nelson. Her love to lay within warm massive muscular arms of safety, turn into something else. Now I am a black nocturnal rebellious spider monkey with a vengeance for love and an appetite for gold bananas and you are the tree Baby Bubba!! You see how fast the tables turn?
One minute, you are just climbing in a queen size bed for rest, blink your eye, and be in the middle of a Brazilian bullfight wearing red Vicky Secrets and I got an sweet tooth for silk and lace!! (Something is wrong with me. I am typing and laughing at the same time. Lock me up now and take away my pen.) If they lock me up, you gotta go too. You are the reader.
Like a sheep to the slaughter, she lures you into the pen. You have no clue you will come out with all your wool shaved off and sold at the market. Oh yea, this is gonna cost you. Naked describes the wallet and bank account that is connected to the Bed Jenga fighter of Love. Rather it be a washer or trip around the world, within the position of submission, you offer it all. It’s more like being held for ransom but they call you about you and you say, “ Pay whatever the price for my freedom!!” Then you put the phone to your own ear and say, “Don’t give them a thing,” because you love the torture!! You have blindfolded yourself and tightened your own cuffs and gasped while doing it!! Either way, to the neighbors, it sounds like a bar room brawl between to rival gangs all drinking Jack Daniels straight. It’s gonna be some furniture moving. It’s what Nocturnal Jenga Twister is all about!! You ain’t know this?
I’m telling you, what looks like a white mattress skirt, shams, pillow cases, a fitted sheet and comforter can be very deceiving. When the light is off, you’re looking at gags, material handcuffs, tools to make you talk and a life long contract for all future licensing to build at your expense. It’s a ride on the other side and only one of us is coming back over the hill. The victor returns to the village with the crown and bracelets of the opposer in hand.
To your children, it’s whoever walks to the kitchen, wearing the house robe and house shoes on the wrong foot, for a water run to revive the loser. May the best competitor win. By the way, the consolation prize for second is the bomb as well!!
I’m going back to sleep. You better pray for a Nocturnal Jenga Twister player in your life. You are so much more weirder than you put on. We’ll “Keep it on the low doe!!” Who writes this stuff. Maybe there is a market?
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