The Non-Verbal Love Challenge

I looked it up. It said licking your lips could mean a sexual attraction. A firm handshake could mean you are confident and out going. A limp, quick hand shake could mean you are unsure or shy. Nodding means agreeable and interested. Slouching could mean you are sad or stressed. Touching your face and hair (self-grooming) could mean you are hoping for attention. Staring from the right person could mean they are interested. Smiling transfers that, “feel good feeling.” Hand gestures while talking makes you more convincing and memorable. Dilated pupils? Yes, dilated pupils could mean you are interested and aroused. I didn’t know that. Tight lips are for liars. A Facial twitch or eyebrow raising could mean you are disgusted. I wondered why so I looked it up.

I wondered about this secret language that actually says more than the spoken word. Your mouth is saying one thing but your body is clearly saying something else. As a matter of fact, save the words. Let’s figure it out by your body language. How about we meet in a neutrally new place for dinner and drinks and let’s see what happens. The rule is simple. No words. If you speak, you lose.

I’m at the bar standing a few minutes before you get there of course. You are fashionably late but it’s sexy. I don’t mind because it gives me a few moments to set up my stance and like Jim Carey said, “Put out the vibe.” This scene will be so set up, you will be able to spot me from the time you walk in. They will already know you must be for me because they saw me come in earlier. Actually I’ve spotted you long before you saw me but i wanted to give the surprised look. A moth to the flame!! A deer into the trap!! We eating venison tonight boys!! Come on home to Poppa!! (I’m saying in my mind)

I wave to you and you smile and wave back. Here you come, Lord have mercy!! Would you look a here, look a here!!! As you wade through the crowd, I am cheesing real hard on the inside but my outside is poised to perfection. One more tug to make sure the collar is right and a lip lick just before the plane lands on my runway. I’m staring at you walk my way and you seem to be stepping elegantly trying not to mess up. As the whole club watches, you saunter across the floor. When somebody is watching you walk, it feels like slow motion and mud under your feet. It’s so fun to watch though.

The pressure in on you so I’m good. As she closes in, we can’t talk so her eyes say she approves of what she sees. My eyes are so dilated, I look like that cat on Shrek or a vampire. We either are going to have a great night or I’m headed back to Transylvania but she will have two bite marks on her neck for real. Looking this good, umma bite her with my regular teeth.
I open up for the hug and she obliges with the touch on my face and the hand on the back of my freshly shaved head just massaged earlier with hair grease or herbal balm from Africa or Walgreens. Same thing.

The first thing that breaks me down is the wind that accompanies her into my presence. It was like a flock of fragrant birds. I can’t make this stuff up. When they flap their wings, I can smell her essence. Yes, these are Essence doves!! I knew it. I’m getting surprisingly bombarded with body wash, splash, and lotion all in the same inhale. Bed, bath, and beyond have all invaded my nostrils. I’m high and don’t know it. I saw this on a movie once. Control yourself Wil!

As love doves pelt me, simultaneously, I with care, reach for the waist and welcome her into cologne castle. I feel like Prince with a white ruffled shirt half unbuttoned with the fur patch. Keep your hands and feet in the car at all times and stay seated until the car comes to a complete stop. She don’t know it but I also strategically placed notes of bottled goodness is specific locations for the wow effect. We can’t talk but we shole’ talking.

We don’t even hear the music no more and it almost seems as if the crowd was here to witness who would speak up first. We ease back from the hug and catch eyes again and then she hits me with all her smile. Now I have the “ooowwee look” on my face and she sheepishly puts on the “What?” look. They always innocently act like thy don’t know what they are doing and the effect it has. She thought she got away with it but I noticed the nonchalant grab of the bicep and graze across the chest muscle. No worries, I did several pushups and curls long before you got here in honor of the occasion. I might be sore in the morning but for right now, I’m good. Preparation is fair play right?

I lead her to the dance floor because I think it’s uncharted territory and she will be like a helpless seagull and I a…never mind. To my surprise, I have walked into a mixture that men should be warned about. You are in danger,

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